SnailedIt! Farms

You know that kid you grew up with that was preternaturally good at everything without ever really having to try? That’s Billy “The Kid” Slimes. A natural racer, Billy was born to be in the Snailedit! World Cup and in fact was the youngest snail to ever qualify for the event. Billy’s not as young as they used to be but they still exude the youthful confidence and cocksuredness that made them one of the brightest stars to run in The Cup. This star power has lead to endorsements and sponsorships for Shell Phone companies and S Cargo Pants, which some critics think has had a negative effect on Billy’s Racing. Is Billy still the King of the Cup or have the bright lights of Shellywood dimmed their considerable talent?

Fun Fact: The movie Turbo was based on Billy’s life

Color: Green

Favorite Food: Cucumber

Hobbies: Socializing with shellebrities, Being good at everything

Dr Slimestein may not be the most physically intimidating snail but they make up for it by being the smartest snail in The Cup. A total brainiac, Dr Slimestein excels in all the facets of racing that occur before the snails take the track. A chemist and inventor, Slimestein will spend hours in the lab concocting potions (called ‘Juice’) and dreaming up contraptions that will give them an edge in competitions. Because what many don’t realize about snail racing is that the rules typically governed by human athletic competition do not apply in the snail world, which means cheating is not a concept to them. Everything is fair game in the Snailedit! Cup, which allows Slimestein to ‘Juice Up’ before races to get an extra boost.

Fun Fact: Dr Slimestein is good friends with Mark McGuire, Lance Armstrong and Barry Bonds

Color: White

Favorite Food: Peas and Carrots

Hobbies: Posting about the scientific inaccuracies in movies

Cooler than a Polar Bears toenails, Dakota Jones is a trailblazer on and off the track. Your favorite racers, favorite racer, Dakota is the snail that snails want to be, and that humans probably don’t want to be but if for some reason you had to be a snail, you’d want to be Dakota. A gritty racer, it’s been said that Dakota is so tough from a life on the range that they leave a smooth trail in their wake, like a snail made of sandpaper. Like I said, a trailblazer. A bit of a recluse, Dakota lets the results do the talking, preferring the moonlight to the starlight. But don’t let the cool demeanor fool you, Dakota is here to win, something they do a lot of.

Fun Fact: Dakota invented the “thumbs up”

Color: Yellow

Favorite Food: Beans n’ Cornbread

Hobbies: Cattle Herding, Always looking Cool

At first look Charlie doesn’t appear to be much of a racer, but that’s why you don't judge a snail by their shell. One of the oldest snails on the tour, Charles Turner was a revelation when he first came on the scene. Racing with a freewheeling, devil may care attitude, Charles' racing style inspired comparisons to his favorite jam band, Phlegm, as he spent the late 70’s racking up trophies during the season and following the band with fellow Phlegmheads during the offseason. But the 80’s were not as kind to Charles, as the rock n roll lifestyle took their toll. By the mid-eighties Charles was a nomad, off the grid and nowhere to be found. A forgotten relic.. Until one day he came back, reinvented as Charlie Cosmo. Rededicated to racing and with a newfound outlook on life, Charlie is somehow still competing and adding to his legendary career. Maybe it's the yoga and dirt tea?

Fun Fact: Always races barefoot

Color: Purple

Favorite Food: Grilled Cheese

Hobbies: Jammin, meditation, being susceptible to questionable conspiracy theories

The wild one of the bunch, Sandy Bunker is an adrenaline junkie who is in it for the ‘Need for Speed’. When they’re not racing, you can be sure that Sandy is out there looking for thrills. Whether it's through surfing, shell-boarding, sky-diving, or any other extreme sport, Sandy’s not interested unless there is an element of danger. This attitude also shows up on the course, as Sandy is one of the most aggressive racers in The Cup who loves to take chances and rub shells with the other competitors. Always ‘Sending it’, Sandy is out to prove they have what it takes to be the best and are more than just a one trick snail.

Fun Fact: Would have broken every bone in their body by now if snails had bones

Color: Blue

Favorite Food: Pineapple

Hobbies: Shredding the gnar, Flirting with death, Sending it

Bio: The meanest snail in the bunch, when Knuckles comes to town first you hear the chopper they call “Shell Crusher”, then you get a whiff of body order, and then you see the snail. This is a good thing because you don’t want to be around when Knuckles comes to town. An ornery slug, Knuckles was part of a large hatchling of 79 snails, so to stand out among siblings Knuckles had to act out. Pulling antennae, leaving slime trails on upholstery, eating the fruit you were saving for a delicious pie, nothing was beyond the realm of Knuckles treachery. In efforts to channel Knuckles energy into more noble pursuits, their parents sent them to race camp, and although this instilled a love of racing for Knuckles, it didn’t stop them from hopping right back on their chopper and causing mayhem when they were done. As for why they call Knuckles bike the ‘shell crusher’.... You don’t want to know.

Fun Fact: Own’s the Guinness book of world record for longest toenails

Color: Red

Favorite Food: Grease

Hobbies: Taking over the touch tunes and playing “Monster Mash” on repeat during any season of the year except Halloween, refusing to pick up their dog’s poop